I know ash!
by 0positiv
Summary: Whenever Helen can tempt Tesla away from his projects in America to visit James and her in London the genius can never resist having friendly arguments with the Great Detective.


AN: As usually, nothing mine, not making money, not even paying for sandwiches. I merely borrow the nice characters and play with them a bit. I might even give them back ;)

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„Be reasonable Jimmy, the murderer is never the butler."

Nikola smirked as James, his feathers thoroughly ruffled, gasped before taking a deep breath. Helen hid her own smile behind her tea cup. Tesla's rare and infrequent visits never left her wanting for entertainment. It usually took months or even a year of persistent demands in her letters to drag the genius vampire away from whatever project kept him occupied over in the United States. She also was not above the occasional guilt trip about how he had abandoned his oldest friends for the new world. But when she finally managed to tempt him back to rainy London it was only a matter of time before he simply could not resist goading James into an argument. And this time a recounting of Watson's latest case proved to be the perfect occasion. By now James had finally found enough self control to reply in anything less than an angry shout.

"Reasonable!? I am nothing if not reasonable, Tesla. I know ash and I tell you it was the butler."

Tesla sipped his wine and smirked even wider. James more than once had wanted to punch that Cheshire cat grin right off his friend's face. Nikola had that effect on people. But as Helen so often said he simply was an acquired taste and James couldn't even say with any certainty when he himself had started thinking of the Serb as a friend instead of "that annoying foreigner Helen has a soft spot for". It must have been some time during their experiments at Oxford. But friend or not Tesla could still be the world's biggest pain in the arse…or the neck, if James would ever dare utter such an obvious pun. He still waited a moment longer for Tesla's reply but when nothing but that annoying smirk was forthcoming he crossed his arms over his chest. He knew he was being baited but he be damned if he let the old bat question his deductions. He was right and he was going to prove it.

"I, being the one with decades of experience in deduction and crime fighting, tell you it was the butler. The facts lead to no other conclusion. Do I tell you how to build a better light bulb?"

"You sure did try", Nikola replied with a little chuckle. "And your idea would have resulted in a rather spectacular explosion instead of a light bulb. You always did have a fondness for things that go boom. But back to your butler: He wasn't even in the house when the murder happened, he was in the market place, lots of witnesses."

James groaned in frustration. He had already explained how that alibi was invalid since the murder took place a whole hour before the butler entered a shop to buy tobacco.

"Now you are just being dense on purpose, Tesla. Stop it, it's very unbecoming. It was the butler in the library with the letter opener, there is no doubt about it. He was even cold blooded enough to finish his cigar before stealing out of the house. It's all so obvious if you look at the facts."

Nikola refilled his glass and took a long appreciative sip of the wine before closing his eyes contently at the taste. It was a fine vintage, James had selected it himself knowing it would please his friend. He nearly regretted going to all that trouble now, but not completely because pain in the arse or not a rare visit from an old friend warranted only the best.

"But are they facts or just guesses? Can you really be sure the body had been lying in the library, in a busy household, undiscovered, for an hour or longer? Seems highly unlikely to me. Also once burned all tobacco leaves rather look the same to me. I can see how the amount of ash and the placement suggest a cigar rather than cigarettes or a pipe but it could just as easily have been the victim's."

Watson sprang out of his chair and started pacing, one hand behind his back the other drawing angry shapes into the air as he sprung into lecture mode.

"For one, the body had cooled down and rigor mortis had already been present in his jaw when the police arrived. Secondly no matter how busy the household when the master of the house retires to the library for some rest no well mannered servant would disturb him without very important reasons. Thirdly there were two different types of tobacco ash, one of much higher quality from His Lordship's cigar and one of mediocre quality that no one with that kind of money would ever even touch. Hence it had to have belonged to either a guest or one of the servants. No guests were spotted by anyone and the only one of his servants the Lord would ever smoke cigars with was his butler. Elementary, my friend."

James let himself fall back into his arm chair with an annoyed expression as both his friends were unable to suppress their laughter any longer. Helen even had to set down her half empty tea cup to avoid spillage as she pressed on hand to her chest and wiped away tears with the other.

"Oh James, there is nothing more marvellous than you defending your work. I could watch you all day" she admitted but with her biggest grin still in place and laughter just waiting to overcome her again. "Please don't be too angry at Nikola, you know he simply can never resist teasing you."

James scoffed and shot her a mildly reproachful look for defending Nikola's silliness .The sight of his friends barely holding back more laughter finally got to him and shaking his head he allowed a grin to wipe the anger off his features.

"Impossible, the both of you, totally impossible. You should not tease this old man here so mercilessly. One of these days it will give me a heart attack and then you'll regret it."

He picked up his brandy with a chuckle and took a long sip.

"It's a good thing Helen's a doctor then, old friend, because we'd never just let you die on us. Who would we tease?"

Nikola's flippant tone nearly completely hid his underlying trepidation of the day when they would have to let James go, no matter their formidable powers. But James had known the man long enough to read all that he tried to hide in the tilt of his head or the way he did not quite meet Watson's eyes and he nearly regretted having brought up his inevitable demise. In the same room with two people who were as close to immortal as any living thing could be the death of a friend would always be one giant and conveniently ignored elephant.

_Way to kill the mood, James_, he thought.

Helen having picked up on the shift in mood slapped her hands together and announced with a smug grin: "Ok, enough of that, how about I beat you both mercilessly and repeatedly at poker?"

Grateful for the change in topic James emptied his glass and set it down on the table.

"Beat me? Never in a million years, my dear. Are you up for a few games, Tesla? By the way, have I told you about that very fascinating case of cataleptic postmortem rigidity yet? A woman, found quite dead but standing upright. They also call it cadaveric spasms. It's quite a mystery…"

Smiling Helen got up to get the cards as she kept one ear on their conversation. It was rather indecent how excited James could get about dead people, but also indecently adorable.


End file.
